moving on

i am selling my college car. i remember the day we picked her up. my mom, eric and i sat around the dealership for hours. we finally signed every last paper and a check and she was mine.

she was my freedom: a dependable friend who would take me many places and one who i didn't mind bathing. when the stereo system went in, i thought i could live in that car. i took her up mountains, back roads, off roading in New Mexico, camping, across the country, and to visit my future husband.
when i wasn't using public transportation i drove her everyday to school. i could always afford gas for her and she rarely pooped out on me. my brother and sister used to point at every red car and exclaim "sis-sis, sis-sis!" i probably went way too fast in her, but i never crashed. she represents a time of growth and freedom in my life. it has been a ridiculous battle with my own memories to sell this car. i have been holding on to it because i haven't wanted to face that those days are over.  i have twins and live in the mountains now. i have to accept that the last bit of my single person-hood is gone. never again will i only think of me. perhaps it is a good thing that i am letting go, i can let go of the selfishness that encompassed my being. i am humbled in many ways by my children, and giving up my last cherished item of single person-hood should represent exactly that. and perhaps reinvest some of the cash in worthy ventures. growth and progress.
here is a collection of civic pics. good fucking times.

i said goodbye to my old friend, taking her for a joyful ride. found a hidden surprise in stay golden by au revoir simone. i played it could be sweet by portishead. lotus flower by radiohead was amazing and renewed my faith in radiohead. i played my favorite tunes off of funeral by the arcade fire. LOVE by PLAN B was tasty. my favorite discovery song, swing tree had some deep bass. the ruby suns cheered me up and brought such fond memories. i thought of cameron strickland and j hill as i bumped some old school outkast. i gave neutral milk hotel a spin just for old times. i blazed the heater and rolled down the windows and listened to the blow's true affection. i ended my ride with get fly by atmosphere, a song which really highlights a bass-y stereo and also perfectly fit my mood. it was absolutely ridiculous that i cried. but i cried because moving on is so god damn bittersweet.
oh, and i realized i'm going to buy a new, most excellent home theater system.